Joke thread

Post by **SpongeBuell** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 2:49 pm

I thought we could use a bit of lightheartedness around here, so I figured a joke thread would be kind of fun to have. Of course, keep it so that it follows Ben's language rule and stay away from the ones that can be really offending (mostly no racial stuff, though maybe an occasional blonde joke would be ok)

Anyways, I'll start off with this, and add some more (maybe daily, I dunno)

A guy calls 911 and yells to the operator, "You gotta help me! My friend is lying on the kitchen floor and I think he's dead!"

The operator tries to calm him down by saying, "Now, sir, please calm down. The first thing you need to do is make sure that he's dead" The man agrees and tells the operator to hold on a moment. The operator hears some footsteps, then a loud BANG. He comes back to the phone and says, "ok, now what do I do?"

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 4:50 pm

dude!!! darn language barrier...i had a really good one but an alternate...just in case..

"this guy walks into the doctors office and says:'doc, ya gotta help me. you see i passed out of drinking yesterday on today i have a strawberry stuck up my butt

and the doctor says" i've got some cream for that"

*hopes joke was funny and lighthearted"

Post by **SpongeBuell** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 5:09 pm

Don't worry about how funny/lighthearted it is, as long as it's not something like this:

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where's my tractor?

Also, to go with Ben's other request, no political jokes, especially since that would probably severely derail the thread.

s3ptic · Post by **s3ptic** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 5:11 pm

OK so there are a bear and a Rabbit in the forest, and they find a magical lamp.They rub the lamp and out pops a genie who grants each of the animals 3 wishes. So the bear go first "I want all the bears in the forest to be women" he says. Then Rabbit goes " I want one million dollars". Then bear uses his second wish I want all the bears in the country to be women he says then rabit goes I want 100 billion dollars. Bear takes his finall wish" I want all the bears in the world to be women". Finally Rabbit takes his last wish "Well I can't really think of any thing higher than 100 billion dollars, so I'll just wish to make Bear gay.

JackFrost22 · Post by **JackFrost22** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 5:33 pm

But would the bear wishing be a women too and a gay women at that I'm ot going to go much futher into that.

s3ptic · Post by **s3ptic** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 6:15 pm

lol I got lazy and forgot to say every bear but himself

JackFrost22 · Post by **JackFrost22** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 8:09 am

oh ok

gamer2 · Post by **gamer2** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 10:54 am

what do you get when you put 14 blonds in a row?

a large WIND TUNNEL

what has 12 legs and 4 teeth?

a bar of red necks

G-force · Post by **G-force** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 1:06 pm

Okay heres one...

A guy sees a pirate who has a peg leg, a hook hand and an eyepatch, so he asks the pirate "how did you get that peg leg?" and the pirate replys "well, I was on my ship when a freak wave hit me overboard into shark infested waters and they bit my leg off!" so the guy says "wow! But how about that hook hand?" and the pirate says "well, I lit a cannon and accidentaly put my hand in front of it when it went off!" the guy says "Ouch! but what about that eyepatch?" so the pirate says "Well I was lying on the poop deck when a parrot flew over and pooped on my eye!" the guy says "ummm...interesting but why did you need an eyepatch for that?" the pirate says "well, it was my first day with the hook see...

I'll post some more if people can stand that one.

Post by **Sparkfist** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 2:09 pm

That was a good one G-force.

Quall · Post by **Quall** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 4:41 pm

ok, this was one of those fake chain rumors, but still a funny joke.

During the space race back in the 1960's, NASA was faced with a major problem. The astronaut needed a pen that would write in the vacuum of space, without gravity to aid in any way. NASA went to work. At a cost of $1.5 million they developed the "Astronaut Pen". Some of you may remember. It enjoyed minor success on the commercial market.

The Russians were faced with the same dilemma.

They used a pencil.

kingbuzzo · Post by **kingbuzzo** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 5:37 pm

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! a pencil....funny, even I didn't think of simply using a pencil. If it was japan they would of used PDA's or a robot that listens really well.

Post by **SpongeBuell** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 6:52 pm

I don't think they had PDAs in the 60s... and wasn't stuff from Japan basically crap back then?

Post by **gannon** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 8:03 pm

But what about speed racer and it's somewhat crappy translated dubbing?

Geebs61 · Post by **Geebs61** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 10:55 pm

to this day Speed Racer is Japans all time number one export...