funny sayings/jokes you guys have.

[DK]

A hen went into a library and (making a clucking noise that sounded like) "book" was given a book by the librarian. The next day the hen went back and said "book, "book" and the librarian gave two books over. The next day the hen said "book", "book," book", "book" and was given four books. The next day the librarian asked ho come the hen could read so quickly, the hen replied saying that back at the farm a frog is very sick and in bed; every time she gave the frog a book to help pass the time, the frog kept saying "read it", "read it", "read it".

One of my lecturers acted that out in a Zoology lecture once. Great to see my tuition fees for uni going to such use

[Shadeslayer]

How do you stop an Iraqi tank?
Shoot the guy pushing it.

How come it is easier to teach an Iraqi to fly a plane then anyone else?
They don't need to know how to land.

How many Iraqi's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
No one knows, they can't afford light bulbs.

If a police officer asks you "Your eyes look blood shot, have you been drinking?" Never respond "Your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?"

An Iraqi general was sitting outside of Baghdad when he hears a voice say "One U.S. Marine can take on a thousand Iraqi soldiers." The general laughs and sends out 50 Iraqi soldiers. All the general can hear is explosions and gunfire. No one returns. The general hears the same voice say "One U.S. Marine can take on a thousand Iraqi soldiers." So the general sends 100 troops and all he hears are more explosions and gunfire. No one returns. The general hears for the third time "One U.S. Marine can take on a thousand Iraqi soldiers." So he sends 500 Iraqi soldiers. More explosions and more gunfire and no one returns. Again he hears "One U.S. Marine can take on a thousand Iraqi soldiers." So finally the general sends 1000 Iraqi soldiers. More gunfire and more explosions, but this time one Iraqi managed to crawl back to the general. With the dying troops last words he tells the general "They lied... there are two of them."

[nevermind1534]

From the xbox laptop thread

can you get bigger ... its hard to get a feel for it with 3-inchers

That's what she said.

[ValiantVenality]

Oh my god! I totally forgot my collection of dead baby jokes. Heres just a few off of the top of my head.

Whats the difference between a dead baby in a trash bag and a Ferrari?
I dont have a Ferrari in my garage.

Whats the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon?
Ones fun to smash with a sledge hammer... and the other one is a watermelon.

Whats funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

Classic!

VV

[Shadeslayer]

How are dead baby jokes even funny? They are SICK!

[SgtSmackaho]

?Whats red and smells like blue paint?
!Red paint!

?Why do girls have boobs?
!So guys will talk to them!


9 times out of 10 I answer my phone "HHHHALO" (instead of YYYYello)
My voicemail msg is a 4 min recording of the L.A. County Municipal Traffic Court phone menu

[ValiantVenality]

How are dead baby jokes even funny? They are SICK!

Thats the point of them silly. They're just to be weird, and crude jokes. That makes it funny!

VV

[khaag]

Have you ever tasted Ethiopian food?

Neither have they.